So the new year has been full already!!I feel a bit silly even posting this, but its so just on my mind and it might be a little TMI for some, so I apologize!!! For those who didn't know we had been trying to have another baby the last few months and every month no luck. I have a friend who has signed up to do a half marathon in April, so I had decided if I hadn't gotten pregnant in December, I too was going to sign up and do the half marathon and start training in January. Well needless to say I starting doing my training in January. I am totally not a runner and so as I have been able to run a mile without stopping, then two I have gotten so proud of myself. Well this last week on Monday, we had Willey's dad and step mom visiting, and she said she would watch the boys so I could do my three miles. So I was determined to do it, no stopping!! And I did!! 3 whole miles without stopping!! I was on top of the world that day!! Going to bed that night I was exhausted!! I woke up in the middle of the night not feeling so well, and found that I was bleeding, WHAT?? I had already had my monthly visitor, so what was going on? Well I took a pg test and it was positive! again WHAT?? I had been so focused on training and times the last couple of weeks I felt almost guilty that I didn't know!! Almost 4 weeks along and I didn't know? Anyways long story a bit shorter, a couple of visits to the Dr, and I found out on Friday that I had miscarried. I was so devastated, and just not knowing how to feel!! I still don't know how to feel about it!! But life goes as it goes and Willey had to go to work that night, but we have been so blessed to have good friends that came and had dinner with me and the boys, and they took the boys all Saturday so I could rest, and even took Josh and Ryan to church on Sunday! I am ok just a bit bummed and just sometimes I wish I could see a glimpse of the future ya know?? I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me and this was his way of letting me know that this isn't the time for me to have another one. It seems to help to talk about it, and I am hoping that writing it out will help also. I love the children that I have now and am trying to be positive and look to the future and trust in my Heavenly Father. One of my dearest friends said "don't you just wish that in these times we could talk to our Heavenly mother?" and I so feel that way now, to feel that comfort!!
So tomorrow I will keep running. It will take me this week to get back where I was last Monday, and I will get myself in a really good place physically and mentally, so when we do start trying again I will be ready!!